A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations!!!"
"Congratulations ...

An old man, walking along the beach, approached a beautiful girl in a bikini and abruptly said to her, "I want to feel your breasts!" Get away from me, you crazy old man" she scowled. "I want to feel ...

Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!
Doctor: I am, bit by bit.